Imaginary Lines

2008-12-24T23:16:42Z

Moving around a lot as a kid had its advantages and its disadvantages.

On the one hand, I never really felt secure anyplace, like I had no physical home to go to. But that freed me up to love the sanctuary of the church that much more. On the other hand, I learned to carry my home around inside of me. Which enables me to keep close to God.

Through each new town and new school, there was a new church. If you look at the 'Places I've Been' map on my Myspace page, you'll notice that I've been in every Confederate state. People down yonda' is pleasant, homely folk. Plenty of hospitality and warm greetings to strangers. Comfort foods and hot summers in trees. Swimming in the crik. Rope swings and riding in the back of a pick-up on dirt roads wide enough for only one F-150 at a time. Dogs and coons. Pet squirrels and baby birds. Everything you hear about in those country songs.

But change often takes centuries.

I've heard many sermons in my life abroad. But there is one throwback to days long gone that I just can't cope with.

I know many of you have read the scriptures about Israelites marrying Gentiles. But I wonder, how many of you have heard it used as an argument as to why God is against interracial marriages?

I've heard a fair bit of this argument as I had the opportunity years ago to sit with an old school pastor and break things down.

"Thou shalt not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together." Deut 22:10

"He must not make himself unclean for people related to him by marriage, and so defile himself." Leviticus 21:4

It wasn't difficult for me to listen to having been in church my whole life. The scriptures strung together like popcorn on a string but still scriptures and so I listened to the man and went on my way.

Years went by and I heard different things in different churches. What's okay here isn't okay over there. These people like this but that group doesn't. Baptists don't clap much. These people SPRINKLE water? What are they gonna do with those things?

Needless to say I got very confused. "Okay, this isn't working. Reboot."

History is a great subject. I like learning about the people that shaped the world as I know it. How a people can be so vastly different across imaginary lines called borders and then what happened when they came together as transportation improved and wealth changed hands, forcing these people together. And of course the Salem Witch Trials, how these simple people of faith got it all wrong and innocent people paid with their lives. The Holocaust. Then Segregation: the murders and lynching, the names and hatred. Labels. Subjugation. Division.

I was blown away by Dr. King. His writings and his speeches. The very concept of a 'sit in' alone is a revolutionary one. Non-violence, peace, show your enemy love, patience. That was a Godly man who changed the world. I then thought nothing of it for years.

It's weird how this became such a huge part of my life. I remember the feeling of nausea when I realized what was going on around me. Before that moment it was hypothetical but when my eyes were opened it became reality. It was sly and underhanded. A circumstantial instance taken as fact.

I was traveling with a long time friend from Texas. We've known each other since we were 14. He was moving alone and Mom suggested that I help him drive. I was concerned about propriety [being alone with a guy, even a family friend] and 'what people would say' until Mom said, "People think whatever they want, let them say what they want but you know who YOU are before GOD. You aren't going to stand before THEM and GOD on judgement day. Besides, ______ is a southern gentleman."

I'm a "quiet person" [situation dependent] and that frees me up to watch other people communicate. So I was watching when the people we encountered looked sideways at us. Black male and white female. It was innocuous. We walked through Wall*Mart laughing and I saw various people double take and stare. I didn't know. I was checking my fly and my face. No boogers, I'm good. The lady at McDonald's practically breaks her neck looking into the car.

So we're checking in after 12 hours of driving, tired and bedraggled. The clerk was rude. "I'm sorry, one bed?"

My friend pauses, aggravated. He didn't stutter when he said it the first time. "Two."

"I sorry, sir." the sour face showed no sympathy or begged no compassion.

"Right." My friend wasn't fooled. And for the first time I caught on. I stared. I'm sure my eyes were huge and my mouth was open. [I remember snapping it shut at one point.] I looked from the bellhop to the clerk. I felt the stuffy room shrink a little bit and I went outside. Cold mountain air and snow on the ground. He and I were quiet for a while, awkward as strangers. We changed the subject without ever talking about it.

We brought it up that next evening when we told Mom about our trip. I talked about what i saw and he just nodded.

"It's just the South. It's the way things are," he said.

A few weeks later an old buddy came calling. Things were congenial until they started talking about a friend who was dating outside of their race. They were gloomy about it. I asked [of course I would].

Even if the conversation was ten minutes, ten minutes can feel like a lifetime.

"Spots to spots. Stripes to stripes. Birds of a feather. Horses and donkeys make asses. You mix dogs and you get mutts."

Well, thank God we're not dogs. But I kept my mouth shut and felt ashamed for that. but I knew that if I started speaking I'd cry. Out of hospitality I didn't even leave the table. I was trapped in the corner, our guest between me and the door. I couldn't breathe for the constriction in my chest. The guest was oblivious.

"We're just so different. You could have two people raised in the same neighborhood and it still could never work." I opened a window when my stomach turned. "I can't talk about this with other people because they'd say it wasn't in love." Keeping their doctrine in the dark.

Maybe I just see things in black and white with no area shaded grey. Hearing something like this makes me think of the worst of racism instead of just something that's 'not that bad'.

I've kept this all to myself for months now. Mostly because I feel so strongly about this that even when I am perfectly rational I still break down crying. I, the tough broad who throws punches instead of shedding tears.

Friends from church and otherwise play around and jokingly use the 'N' word, not noticing that I'm so scandalized and fighting back knee-jerk tears. I don't care why you use it. For me it's on par with the 'F' word. It's born from hatred and remains of hatred no matter how cool or empowered you feel when you say it. Love is so much harder work than hatred and if you need to feel empowered by words, quote the Bible.

While this may not be as important to you as it is to me, we are still facing the lingering threads of segregation. Segregation as defined by division when we are no longer 'them' and 'us' but WE ARE CHRIST.

Dr. King, himself, once said, "I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law."

When I read that I was confused. Upon more thought, however, I realized he was playing to the crowd. The America of the 60s wasn't ready for that.

And I suddenly remembered the story of Jesus, speaking with a great crowd in someone's home. His brothers come in and tell him that his mother has called him home. Jesus ignored them and they left, only to return to repeat themselves. This time Jesus replied to them:

“Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother."

Matt 12:45-50

fyrewoode

Imaginary Lines